daoteng

My weight seriously is making me depressed. Since recess week I've been slacking off due to mids, concert then elections, and I just feel really unfit. My weight had continued to drop until last week, probably due to the residual effects after a quite consistent program, but it had rebounded. Now I have to start from scratch(almost) again. argh. When will I ever reach my goal? :(

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In this aspect I just want to be normal, really. 

Yesterday was a memorable one. It was a victory, on so many levels. I am honoured and happy to undertake this task as President for nusco, and all the more proud to receive an unanimous mandate. I sincerely hope that I won't disappoint and will work hard to fulfill my plans. 

To be honest, when I first got it and had to introduce my exco, and to start the buffet, it was very intimidating. I guess it is normal, I remember last year Jackson almost couldn't speak when he spoke for the first time introducing his exco. I hope I can improve! Over the time get more used to public speaking. 

Late in the night I spent my time reading the secret journals of previous presidents. It was an emotional roller coaster. I feel so privileged to be even reading this book. 

Last night I was also shot by the stupid angel again, reminding me that I had not forgotten. And reviving the feelings that I swept under for so long. 

Best. 

This birthday had symbolic meaning to me. To spare you the details, I can only say that it was a futile wait. I can only say, its really time to move on. Looking back, it is my fault. Nvm, still plenty of time left in the year or my life to right all these wrongs. In two weeks time, I will be able to right a wrong I did last year. Stand up from whence you fall? Maybe. 

Press on. You're fucking 23 now, stop whining. 

its been a tired semester. physically, mentally, and psychologically. I've made some progress in losing weight, lost 5 kg since i started, but am still 5 kg more than ORD weight. I estimate to lose another 5 before concert and maybe go into lull for exams before  really ramping up my program while working part time or something. 

Mentally, its been taxing. Been involved in lotsa things in CO, from inter personal, to politics. well, its always a complex environment when it involves people. At least I really enjoyed their company. Other than CO, still got my four econs mods as well. Flunk real hard for mids, will have a huge salvation act to undertake in finals. wish me luck. 


Psychologically. well, I don't think i am that emotionally stable. At least not until recent weeks. The previous weeks before I will random go into bouts of emo-ness, especially in the nights. However, the sense of disappointment seems to have been allayed and I can think more positively. One of the reason why I cant study at all this sem is because my heart is totally on something else, or someone else. Whenever I think back the things I did, I will see errors. Stupid errors. but who doesn't make mistakes? Whats more important is we move on. 

Half the sem is gone. Gambatte for next half. I am always the catch up boy, now its serious business. 

side note. I feel so disappointed not to be able to share woes with someone i truly care about. She seems to be going through so much yet I am totally estranged from it. Contrast it to a few months back where we really talked about everything. Its just, sad. 

haha i am really a dog. got my bone tonight. 

张雨生：以为你都知道
以為你都知道
兩顆心在相互關照
難道是我把一切想像得那麼好
以為你都知道
你對我有多麼重要
不能相信你已經從我夢裡逃跑
要我如何是好
以為你都知道
和我一樣忘不了
用感覺在擁抱
這是第一次
我聽不到自己的心跳
這是第一次
我想要留住你往日的笑
以為你都知道

haha I really like the acquaintance feature on Facebook. You can use it on "friends" that you are not really close/can't be bothered/too many boring or frequent updates, or you can use it if you simply wanna forget someone..

however its pretty hard to resist the frequent checks though, every time I check her status the more I feel estranged from her life. 

Estranged.. thats a good word. Popped out of nowhere and really very apt. Auggie taught me well.  

....

I have a bad habit of eating to destress. hate this exams week, undid all my progress over past month! how i wish the week to be over and I will be back hitting the tracks. 

.... I have yet to find the motivation that I lost though :(  

need.to.find.motivation.

Eagles' Desperado.

Lyrics:
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? 
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no youger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? 
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? 

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? 
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

你突如其来的出现在我的生命，扰乱了原本平静的心境。却又静悄悄地，不负责任的远离我，从此和我的世界脱轨。

原本以为我的生命会因为认识某人而有了一点点的不同，到头来也只是一片云烟，昙花般的存在罢了。

• ＊让我将你心儿摘下　试着将它慢慢溶化　看我在你心中是否仍完美无瑕
• 　是否依然为我丝丝牵挂　依然爱我无法自拔　心中是否有我未曾到过的地方啊
• ＃那里湖面总是澄清　那里空气充满宁静
• 　雪白明月照在大地　藏着你不愿提起的回忆（藏着你最深处的祕密）
• 你说真心总是可以从头　真爱总是可以长久　为何你的眼神还有孤独时的落寞
• 是否我只是你一种寄託　填满你感情的缺口　心中那片森林何时能让我停留
• Repeat （＃）
• △或许我　不该问　让你平静的心再起涟漪
• 　只是爱你的心超出了界限　我想拥有你所有一切
• ★应该是　我不该问　不该让你再将往事重提
• 　只是心中枷锁　该如何才能解脱